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Rock OperaMy life is a rock opera composed by drunk people. On the plus side, the drunker they got, the more the cab driver looked like Elton John.
"Sing 'Tiny Dancer'," Henry kept saying, and the cab driver kept saying he'd do it at a red light. We must have gotten out before we hit another red light, because neither one of us remembers him singing anything.
So we got out and started walking back to the apartment when Henry's old landlady recognizes us and offers him a tissue for his nosebleed. Henry smiled and kissed both of her cheeks. I hid my face behind a newspaper so she wouldn't see my black eye.
"How have you been?" she asked.
"Still bad at painting," Henry said. "Still terrific at drinking."
Fruit"What do you know about ghosts, Mrs. Albritton?"
Mrs. Albritton was hunched over the fruit cart, poking the apricots with her index finger. "Are these ripe, Simon? Feel these and tell me if they're ripe."
Simon reached over and obligingly felt her apricots. "Put them in the bag with the bananas," he instructed. "They'll be perfect by lunch tomorrow."
"You're so good with fruit, Simon." She turned to one of the clerks stocking a nearby shelf and leaned in, as if sharing a secret. "He's so good with fruit."
The clerk smiled and said, "You're lucky to have him."
And Mrs. Albritton beamed.
Tall Tree and the SunThe Three Trees on the Sun
1. Small Tree was as tall as all of our grandfathers standing on each others shoulders.
2. Middle Tree was as tall as all of our grandmothers and grandfathers standing in the same fashion.
3. Tall Tree was much taller than both of her sisters combined. If every creature that ever lived stood on the shoulders of the creature before it, it would still not be as tall as Tall Tree.
The Three Trees Turn to Ashes
1. It took two thousand years for Small Tree to catch fire, and her ashes fell away and created the other stars.
2. It took five thousand years for Middle Tree to catch fire, and her ashes fell away and created all the small planets.
3. Because Tall Tree was much taller than her sisters, she lasted a hundred thousand years before she caught fire. When her ashes fell away, the largest tree prayed to the Sun.
Tall Tree's Prayer
1. "I witnessed the day that you took Small Tree and made her ashes the stars."
2. "I witnessed the day th
Conversations about Milk"What's today?"
"I don't know. Probably a crappy one."
Marietta obviously didn't think that warranted a response, so she shook the milk jug a few times and pretended not to hear him. "If it's the fourteenth, the milk is bad, and I wanted cereal. Is it the fourteenth? I really wanted cereal."
"Marietta, the milk doesn't magically turn to curdled goo at the stroke of midnight of the sell by date. That's why it says sell by and not drink by."
"Yeah, and you'd down it if it was a week from now and said chew by."
The American and the Moth"People who don't know moths usually don't understand," she said. "Americans, especially. They think moths are just little superstars in ugly wrapping paper. That if we're given the right tools, we can become just as good as everyone else. Plain Jane syndrome, you know? Well it doesn't work like that."
"I think you could be a star," I said.
"Well, you're an American."
I wanted to touch her shoulder, or maybe her hair.
She didn't look like the kind that invited physical contact, so I didn't.
"I was born this way," she said. "I want to die this way too. Is that so strange?"
Candlelit Beaches"He's making you set the beach on fire on a first date?"
"Well, he said he liked candlelit beaches and long walks on the the dinner." Eileen looked down at the letter in her hands and frowned. "That can't be right. Do you think that's right?"
Henry shrugged. "I don't know, but you got to respect a man willing to walk all over his dinner."
Eileen took another candle and grounded it into the sand. He handed her the lighter that they had bought at QuickMart and watched as she knelt and brought the flame to the wick.
"He's not coming, I guess," she said. Sea salt made the flame crackle with resistance. A slight breeze was already wreaking havoc on the candles planted behind them. "He's not coming, is he?"
Henry shifted from one foot to the other. "You know, if you're up for it, I always did want to step on a peanut butter sandwich."
Doughnuts"Every culture around the world has their own version of a doughnut," she said. "That doesn't change the fact that they're all just fried dough covered in sugar. Having a different name for something makes it cultural, and most people like cultural."
"You don't like cultural?" I asked.
"No," she said. "I like doughnuts."
MothToday I called her a moth.
Nobody believed me when I said I didn't mean it as an insult. Moths are disgustingly beautiful animals that you see dead more often than alive. I remember when I thought that moth was just a dead butterfly, a special sound used for ripping the life out of something colorful and bright. The word itself is scornful and thick and comes from Middle English mot, meaning maggot. In Spanish, she would be polilla, which sounds like a dance, and in German, she is Nachtfalter, which is a dance.
I think everyone assumed I meant to insult her because it is true. She is dark and plain, and her hair is fuzzed all over. She smells dusty like our attic, but it is a pleasant smell, like remembering something you've forgotten.
And she would look best covered in leaves.
How to name your band.1. Springbox
2. The Ceiling
3. Bubble Balance
4. Scalp Stuff
5. Green Bean Romance
6. Step-Mother: Reborn
7. Really Tasty
"It's my list of band names," said Ezzo. "I think everyone should keep a list of band names, just in case."
"Just in case? Just in case of what?! We can't sing or play any instruments!"
Marietta picked up the paper and ran her finger down the list. "I like Springbox a lot, actually. Why did you put The Ceiling on here?"
He shrugged. "So the people who listened to us would be Ceiling Fans."
Maid a Mistake
Whitnee Squirrel was seated on a hard wooden chair watching the stately canine pace back and forth in front of her. She’d taken the cleaning job as a favor to a friend, covering her shift, as it were, but now she thoroughly regretted the whole thing!
“Now, I’m only going to ask you one more time, ‘Where is my wife’s necklace?’”
“I really, really don’t know!”
The dog knelt down in front of her and grabbed hold of her heels. In one swift motion, he flipped her shoes off, leaving her stockinged paws quivering on the floor.
“Hold up your paws!”
“I said hold them up! I’m still your boss!”
Whitnee did as she was told.
Mr. Tiberius spread his fingers and danced them up and down her stockinged paws. The sensation sent shivers down her spine and the young squirrel could scarcely keep from falling out of the seat.
“Now,” he asked, slowi
A sore day in a painful life 1.5 [ a side story](Lauren the elvish princess contrary to people’s beliefs enjoy giving wedgie and frequently gave them to her female servants who screwed up or disobeyed her and also their higher ups, here’s a tale of that happening)
Gwendolyn was captain of Lauren’s personal guard and somewhat friend of Lauren's and frequent victim, Gwendolyn was a violet hair beauty who had the right proportions in the right places (wink,wink) and mostly wore her Stahl-mail armor which was a two piece armor, it had the lower half consisting of cloth pants with leather covering them and a skirt of plates over them and the top half, a mail shirt over wool shirt and solid steel chest-plate and it showed her curves nicely.
“Gwen! Come here” yelled an annoyed Lauren as Gwendolyn ran to her mistress’s cry, she could hear in her voice she was angry and Gwen was going to be punished for something. As Gwen entered the grand hall and stood at attention Lauren came up to her and said
Switch-Switch 2: Status UpdateSTATUS OF THE CHARACTERS IN “SWITCH-SWITCH 2”
Straw Hat Pirates
Monkey D. Luffy:
Captain of the Straw Hat Pirates; currently possesses Boa Hancock’s body. He has retained his Gum-Gum Fruit powers and Haki proficiency.
Status: en route to battle the Siber Pirates
First mate/swordsman of the Straw Hat Pirates; currently possesses Tashigi’s body. He has retained his swordsmanship skills and other skills he possessed before, but now has Tashigi’s sense of direction and needs to wear her glasses to see clearly.
Status: en route to battle the Siber Pirates
Navigator of the Straw Hat Pirates; currently possesses Nefertari Vivi’s body. She has kept her weather-predicting ability, navigational skills and proficiency at the Clima-Tact.
Status: en route to battle the Siber Pirates
Sniper of the Straw Hat Pirates; currently possesses Kaya’s body. He has kept his sniping and battle skills.
Status: protecting Baby 5 and the medical
Star Wars kotor 2 wedgie fanficThe exile Meetra Surik and her companions were on Narr Shaadda to look for master Zez-Kai-ell. She walked to the cantina where she hopped to dig up some info on the wayward Jedi.
Surik along with Brianna (handmaiden) and atton rand walked together toward the cantina and hopefully some useful info. At the door they used the force to Persuade their way in, inside they saw it was bustling with people and atton beelined to the bar counter where two hot spacers were talking as Surik face-palmed,
“He never changes, does he?” Brianna asked
“Nope, but really who could blame him” Surik joked as she saw a good looking mandolorian bounty hunter as they walked over to a twi lek who looked distraught, they approached him
“You lose some credits at pazaak” Meetra asked as she and Brianna sat down at the table,
“No, my daughter was taken by vogga the hutt” he spoke distraught
“What happened?” Asked Brianna as he proceeded to explain what had
60 For 60: The Missing Three-QuarterA/N: “There is, as you may have observed, a bicycle shop next to our inn. Into this I rushed, engaged a bicycle, and was able to get started before the carriage was quite out of sight.” Really?
“I must hire a bicycle!”
“Of course, sir. Your name and address?”
“It is urgent!”
“I understand but…”
“My name’s Holmes! I’m staying at the…”
“Holmes. Sherlock Holmes.”
“Not the Sherlock Holmes?!”
“I’m a great admirer.”
“Ah, yes. Sign here, Mr. Holmes. Thank… Oh, he’s gone. Splendid fellow. So pleased I was able to help.”
Silver and Gold
Silver and gold
Silver and gold
Silver and gold
For silver and gold
How do you measure
Just by the pleasure it
Gives here on Earth
Nikki Davidson hummed the song that she would hear every single Christmas when she would watch the 1964 interpretation of Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer, Silver and Gold by Burl Ives reminded the unstable ex-SPD Blue Ranger of her father, the only person she loved in her life with the exception of Auld, who was her surrogate father since her father was killed by a gang of raiders just because he was the only human on the planet that both Nikki and Auld lived in.
While Nikki was an extremely talented fighter in terms of hand-to-hand combat, it seemed that she was not only lacking in the sanity department but also the tactical department, which is what Auld knew to be necessary to have any chance of conquering earth with only two people, it wasn’t that Nikki was stupid or dumb, she was just extremely unstable and had a
Being a Better Bad Guy: Entry 80If you’re low on funds, yelling more and rationing the Twinkies may be your best course of action.
Marvel OC- Blood
Name: Francis Gowens
Occupation: Former Doctor in Bellevue Hospital in New York now member of the Spiderman's Rogues Gallery
Height: 6ft2 (normal height) 20ft (when he gets a large blood dosage)
Powers: Shape-Shifting, able to change his physiology at will (changing his hands into hammers made out of solid blood) Isn't effected by physical attacks since his body is now fused with blood, a liquid.
Weaknesses: Melts away when in contact with water, can get dried up if out in an extreme heat for a lengthy period of time
Background: Francis Gowens hails from Manchester, England and has always wanted to be a doctor, always wanting to help people, unlike some villains who have had abusive parents, Francis had a good child-hood growing up, after he graduated from medical school he moved to New York when he was 21 and got a job in Bellevue Hospital as a head surgeon.
However Francis would exp
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Bluefley has a gallery filled with artwork that whisks you off in to a Sci-fi daydream, and keeps you captivated for hours. Marc has been a member of our community for over a decade and has achieved nothing but success with his astounding commitment to interacting with the community, sharing a prolific amount of video tutorials and generally being an all round rockstar deviant. It is no joke that we are absolutely delighted to award the Deviousness Award for April 2014 to ... Read More