literature

Moth

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tetemeko's avatar
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Literature Text

Today I called her a moth.

Nobody believed me when I said I didn't mean it as an insult. Moths are disgustingly beautiful animals that you see dead more often than alive. I remember when I thought that moth was just a dead butterfly, a special sound used for ripping the life out of something colorful and bright. The word itself is scornful and thick and comes from Middle English mot, meaning maggot. In Spanish, she would be polilla, which sounds like a dance, and in German, she is Nachtfalter, which is a dance.

I think everyone assumed I meant to insult her because it is true. She is dark and plain, and her hair is fuzzed all over. She smells dusty like our attic, but it is a pleasant smell, like remembering something you've forgotten.

And she would look best covered in leaves.
I haven't done a free write in a while. I had a joke that I was going to tie up with this one, but I like it better the way it is, without any comedy.

I don't really know where I'm going with this, but I really like the idea of a girl being compared to a moth. Looking up the etymology and the different languages was fun. Nachtfalter in German means something close to Night Breaker in English, and is a waltz made by Johann Strauss.

Anyways, it's sounds really choppy, and Iwould very much appreciate a critique. :)
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neurotype-on-discord's avatar
I love the mood in this (what kind of mood is it? Honestly, I couldn't say), and the darker hint in the last sentence (it's very open-ended: he wants to see her in nature, he wants to see her buried in the middle of a forest...I like it as it is; I naturally veer towards the latter).

The sentences flow well enough to me: the choppiness of the third paragraph seems appropriate, as it's relating a bit of tension. I think you're missing an 'a' in "thought that moth" (I'd expect it in single quotes if it's supposed to be like that). You might want to complete the 'which is a dance' with 'by Johann Strauss'--or not, it reads fine either way.

As I said, I like the mood. And the idea; the comparison's definitely intriguing. :nod: